I clearly remember that day, one of my best friends told me that we are going to have a Class of 93 reunion and invited me to the Whats App group. When I introduced my self in the group, someone from the group replied "is that you Paijamachhap?" That was the word for ‘small towners’ back then.. I was surprised and was amazed at the same time. After 25 years, I’m still carrying the same Paijamachhap image. Frankly it did not harm me or my self image now as it used to be before.. my first thought was really? And then wow he still remembers me and wants to catchup from where we left..
It wasn’t that easy back then. I went through lots of emotional breakdowns. Even when I was school going as a kid, I remember getting teased by my cousins, that might be unintentional and might be just fun for them, but my brother and I were always a target. Initially I used to laugh at it.. but when it started happening every time we meet, it started bothering me. I started judging myself about the way I talk, how I dress, how I laugh, how I sit and list goes on and on and on. That time, I was not aware of the word bullying , or was not aware of teasing or bullying as bad or was not aware of standing against it.. I allowed them to tease me, thinking if I complain, they will think I am weak. When I overheard my aunt saying to my mom that you should seriously think of sending your kids to the city for a better future for them, it boosted my belief of being a small towner is a bad thing.
By the time, I went to the college, I started believing that I’m not smart, I’m not good enough to hangout with city folk. I was always worried about my image than my studies.. I used to drag myself to college.. always I felt like I don’t belong there .. everyday I experienced butterflies in my stomach. It was hard for me to face modern city girls as well as boys. Being in small town, I was never friends with boys. I used to take a different route to avoid them especially boys. The first two years of college was really hard on me. Learning in English Medium was another challenge as for my basic education was in Marathi.
I did not have any friends to talk to and did not know anyone to seek a help. With all these difficulties, I don’t remember missing or bunking college. Sustaining in college and passing 12th grade was my aim. I guess, I had a fighter within me and it is still there!! I believe, everyone has a fighter with themselves but sometimes we fail to recognize that.
During my 12th grade vacation, I joined my dad’s office. Everyday I used to go with my dad to his office and used to sit next to accountant, observing his work. That time I realized that actual work is way different than what they teach in college. One day, I asked my dad, why we weren't in the big city? If we had been in bigger city, I might have developed differently. Dad looked at me and said,”Yes, you might have gotten many more opportunities, but it depends upon how you utilize those. Its you, you develop yourself not the opportunities which develops you. Have you utilized all the opportunities that you have here?" And that was my miracle moment! Suddenly I started seeing things differently. I slowly started getting interested in work, started learning how to drive a car, joined a typing class too.. As I started doing things for me, it automatically started boosting my confidence. Then the next year, I was a totally different person from within. I started looking for opportunities in college. Joined ABVP, took Marathi literature as an optional subject.. then started writing down my emotions through journaling and poems. Now whole new world was opened for me.. found new friends who had the same interests as me.. The "small town girl" barrier faded away from my mind… it was it still out there, but I started accepting myself as who I was. By end of my last year of college I was BJP’s Taluka Youth President. The struggle was there too.. but now struggles became challenges and fear became excitement. The place where I questioned everything about myself, the place where I was not sure I was going to last even a year, but I thrived there, and became the person I am today. I even did my masters as well as my diploma in business management. That was one of the most proudest moments of my life.
After my marriage, I came here in the US to accompany my husband… directly from small town to a developed country with one year of city living experience. I was so excited and I was very confident that I can handle anything in my life. First few weeks here were like magical dream. But soon, all my confidence and self belief shattered when I failed in my written driving test, twice. Just because I couldn’t understand the language. The lady there asked me whether I would like to have translator and I said no and took it as a challenge, and I passed the exam in my third attempt. I realized that sustaining here in this new territory, new continent was going to be more challenging than ever. Not just the new language but, new etiquettes, new society, and a new atmosphere..
I remember the day when I met one of my husband's colleague who was an American. I was scared to death, sweating like pig. When he saw me, he walked towards me, gave me a very promising hug and said welcome to the land of migrates.. the word" land of migrates" stuck in my mind. That was so true… People came from different continents and adjusted to their new life. Once again everything was clear. I started learning how to talk the colloquial language, started watching news, started following tv shows from where I could learn the etiquettes and the society in general. Started calling local restaurants to place and to cancel orders to see my progress. Then I did lots of volunteering at local libraries, food banks to mingle in my new society. Slowly I became one of them.
Its been 23 years now I’m here in USA. In those years, I experimented lot many things from joining school to working as a business assistant and as a tax consultant, from volunteering for different organizations to becoming a certified Yoga Teacher.
The “Small Town Girl” in me taught me valuable lessons of life. Now on social media I am known as madhura.kwd (KWD stands for Kurundwad) to stick to my roots that I came from and for those roots that kept me conquering new challenges. I will forever be in their debt.
-मी मधुरा..
३० एप्रिल २०२०
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